The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
