It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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