Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
