Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
nutella sex= disaster
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
