I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
