am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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