thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
