I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
