he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
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