i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
