all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
