I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
