Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
