If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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