What a fucking waste of an outfit
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
