Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
