I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize