What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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