i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
