Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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