Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
