i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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