well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
