No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
