there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
