i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Your penis caused this!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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