If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
