saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
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