If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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