i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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