if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
