I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
