Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
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