i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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