Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
