walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
