you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
