She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
