But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize