I just cut my nipple shaving
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize