WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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