Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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