When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
