She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
it was like eating out sand paper
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
