So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
