Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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