How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
