Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
