I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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