Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize