I have demons in me.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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