I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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