I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
