Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
You took a bar mat shot.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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