Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize