I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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