When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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