i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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