I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
