dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
