I look better un-naked...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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