Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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