Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
