Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
My hand turned me down
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
