I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
