yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
