I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
