When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
mondays should just be called national damage control day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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